My friend, Debra Orbuch Grayson, M.S., LCMFT, is a LIcensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Educator, Consultant, and Clinical Supervisor. She gave me a copy of her newly published workbook to provide a review for our Macaroni Kid parents. Debra published Building Healthy Family Relationships A Workbook for Parents and Stepparents to provide parents and family members tools and strategies for improving their family relationships.
My first impression is I love that this is a 40-page workbook. I don't have the time or patience to read 200 pages on parenting. I want concise and useful information. I was happy to do a quick read of the entire workbook to get the overall flavor. I then spent time reading each chapter slowly and making note of the key points. The workbook asks thought-provoking questions and gives room to take notes. Each chapter provides valuable insight.
Chapter One: What Do Healthy Relationships Look Like? Thinking about yourself as a parent and an adult is a great first step. Do I come off as negative? Do I expect perfection? Do I have realistic expectations? Being raised by a single mother I always thought all my neighbors with traditional families of four and five were so "normal" and perfect. Not until I was in high school did I come to find out that one family was dealing with infidelity, another with alcoholism, another with verbal abuse. Do I compare my mother-child relationship with friends? Do I look at Facebook and think that all the other marriages are perfect? What changes can I make in my behavior and what ripple effect will they have on my family relationships?
Chapter Two: Teaching to FIsh. I always tell my kids that my role is to teach them to be independent adults. Financially independent, emotionally independent, strong and resilient. I tell them that I will support them when they make a mistake but I will also hold them accountable for their actions. How well do I use consequences to build their responsibility? Have I let them off the hook too easily too many times?
Chapter Three: Confusion. I loved this chapter. "Understanding the need your child may be communicating through their behavior can help you see its purpose." My second-born is strong-willed and has been more challenging to parent. In elementary school, her misbehavior was communicating a need for power and control. In her early tween years, her misbehavior was communicating pre-adolescent feelings of inadequacy. I will use tips in this chapter for communication and conflict resolution strategies.
Chapter Four: Who's Problem Is It? How many times have I jumped in to solve my child's problem? Have I held my kids responsible and clearly communicated consequences?
Chapter Five: Communication. Verbal, non-verbal, written and text are all forms of communication. Texting and social media are the topics of many parenting conversations. As kids become teens it is more important than ever to keep open lines of communication. I love to share great ideas with families about how to unplug and have fun with your kids but I too face the same challenges.
Chapter Six: Conflict. Conflict is stressful and I really do not like fighting. But conflict is inevitable and learning conflict resolution techniques and stress management are important lifelong lessons. I argue with my daughter too often but outside of home she is a mediator and uses great conflict resolution techniques with her friends.
Chapter Seven: Having Fun As A Family. I think fun needs to be defined by your family and not how things look on social media. Looking at Facebook photos of families at Disney looks great but I need to realize that my expectations would not be met with my line and crowd-hating family. I would be stressed about the amount of money we spent and no one would enjoy it. Fun is what you define and can be something simple like playing a board game.
Chapter Eight: Finding Support Along the Way. Change is hard and takes time and discipline. It is important to have a couple of adult friends to talk to for support. Set goals and steps for improvement and we can all enjoy healthy family relationships.
I think Building Healthy Family Relationships A Workbook for Parents and Stepparents is a useful workbook for all parents. It is available on Amazon for $15.95. You can also enter to win a free copy below.
ENTER TO WIN a copy of BUILDING HEALTHY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS A WORKBOOK FOR PARENTS AND STEPPARENT
1. You must be a Macaroni Kid JoCo and/or KCK e-news subscriber. LIMIT 1 entry per e-mail address.
2. Complete the contest entry form.
3. One winner will be selected at random and notified by e-mail and listed on our website on December 7th. WINNER MUST BE ABLE TO PICK UP PRIZE at Macaroni Kid Overland Park. For complete contest rules, read here.
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